One Year of Letters: DONE!

“I am the Alpha and the Omega,

the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.”

Revelation 22:13

God is there in the start and finish of all created things; He is no doubt in the middle as well. The Lord gave me the idea and the drive to set out on a one year journey to hand write one letter of encouragement to a different person each day for a year; in addition to the card, I included a stamp for them to mail out a letter to someone else as well (to multiply the efforts). God directed my path to a singular name each day and a verse from the book of Truth to speak TRUTH in to the heart of the reader. I was afraid of not knowing enough people to fill the days but He opened my eyes to truly see those around me. They were there the whole time and until this project, I did not tally their names as souls that might need a breath of LIFE in the form of a letter. God opened up my ears to hear the concerns of this world weighing on the shoulders of those people around me and inspired me to want to help. God gave me a voice without me even speaking; He helped craft the written words on the cards to form a cheer, a rallying behind the person needing a reminder they are loved and doing a great job. We are not perfect but God does not expect perfection. He expects worship, surrender and above all, our trust.

My heart is full as I reflect on the year… did that really happen? I am humbled to have been a part of something so tiny and behind the scenes that seemed to burst in to the lives of people with a power that can only come from God! He was at the beginning of this project. He is here at the end. May His glory continue in the lives of all 365 people who have received a letter this year  …and hopefully in another 365 people from the included stamp that multiplied the efforts. Oh yeah… now is the time to CELEBRATE all that GOD has done!!

Celebration news to come… look for it!

For Your the Weekend: Beauty in the Blobs

Ever have a delightfully clean bathroom sink? You just finished cleaning it and it smells and looks absolutely perfect. Everything is finally in order and life is grand. You leave the room in complete satisfaction. But… the next time you come back, there is a huge blob of toothpaste on the sink! Life would be fabulous if it wasn’t for that blob. Whether you were what caused the blob or it was thrust upon you, the blob has ruined the perfection.

Sigh.

Now what?! Anger? Rage? Interview everyone around you to find out who the culprit is?

Or maybe… just maybe we can find the hidden beauty in the blob? Perhaps there is something there we need to see. Is it me or does this blob look like an elephant swinging his trunk up to the sky?

May we each find beauty today in the “blobs” of our lives!

Life Is Not Fair

As I comb my hair and attempt to fasten it back behind my head, the noises erupt from downstairs. Sibling squabbles turn from friendly banter to an escalated episode. I haven’t heard one of these in awhile but I recognize the necessity for a referee to aid in the dispute.

I enter the battle scene and see tears streaming down my son’s face as he feverishly wipes his chin. He had been poked with the knife his sister was using to put cream cheese on her bagel. She snaps to attention and simply declares “It is NOT fair!” in attempts to justify her anger.

Where is this coming from? I run through all of the previous events of the day. There were hardly enough minutes in the morning leading up to this to have allowed for anything so big to unfold. Then, it hit me. The very first thing she had done thing morning was asked if she could get hot lunch. She already knew the answer but hoped for something different. We allow each of our children to get hot lunch once a week. They can pick the day but once a week is it. However, in efforts to be like her friends who get hot lunch every day, she had gotten hot lunch several times a week for several weeks in a row. So there was no more money in her account to get hot lunch today. This is what registered as “unfair” today.

Does she even understand the definition of this word? Fair: free from bias, dishonesty or injustice; marked by favoring conditions. Her life was NOT fair and was filled with injustice after injustice. It was NOT fair that her father died from an illness so easily treated if there had been money and/or access to medicine. It was NOT fair that she had been left alone to fend for herself. It was NOT fair that her mom could not take care of her and keep her in her care. Her life had NOT been marked with favoring conditions. But she is not there anymore. And despite the new hope and future, she is stuck in resolving to the fact that “life is not fair”.

I want to point my judging finger at her and ask, “How long oh Lord will it take before she sees the new life YOU have given her?” But is she the only one? Have I ever been guilty of declaring the unfairness of my own ridiculous circumstances? Not just in my youth but even this week, stomping my foot, clenching my fists and tightening at the injustices of my own life. I confess that I don’t always see the fairness or “favoring conditions” in the path set before me. In our human condition somehow our opinions are not always accurate or able to assess the true markings of where we are at. But I am curious: how “fair” do we really want life to be? Are we sure it will work in our favor?

PRAYER: God, You have not left any of us alone but placed us in Your family. You have provided all that we need. Life is not fair... You actually give us more than we could ever deserve or earn on our own! You offer unconditional love despite our mistakes and shortcomings… again and again and again. Open our hearts and our eyes to see all that You do for us. May our hearts be grateful!

Image source: Google Images http://www.truewoman.com/?id=2489

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?

Maybe if I am nice to everyone.

Maybe if I volunteer my time and I do lots of “good” things.

Maybe if I give money to charities or non-profit organizations.

Maybe if I go to school and get a bunch of degrees to improve myself.

Maybe if I am better than the person sitting next to me.

Then, I will be good enough.

good enough to receive God’s love.

good enough to receive God’s love AND get in to heaven.

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Jesus was hanging on the cross in between two other accused men.

One man raged and snarled insults at the crowd and at Jesus.

The other man declared Jesus as Lord, just as He had said He was. Then the guilty criminal made a final, simple request, “Jesus, remember me when you enter your kingdom.”

 Jesus replied, “Don’t worry, I will. Today you will join me in paradise.”

And then Jesus died, keeping His promises.

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Could it be that easy? Just surrender my heart to God and that will be enough? Yes. Jesus did all of the work for us; all we have to do is believe and receive it in our hearts.

Happy Easter! 

May we find ourselves “good enough” not by anything we can do but by the power of THIS day and all that we celebrate because of what Jesus has done for us!

“Then Jesus helped the followers understand these Scriptures about him. Jesus said to them, “It is written that the Messiah would be killed and rise from death on the third day. You saw these things happen—you are witnesses. You must go and tell people that they must change and turn to God, which will bring them his forgiveness. You must start from Jerusalem and tell this message in my name to the people of all nations.”

Luke 24:44-48

Image Source: Google Images http://ubdavid.org/kidsworld/storytime1/storytime1_1.html

Our Adoption Story: More Than a Red Shirt

Packing for a trip to a country literally on the other side of the world, to pick up 2 new children to add to our family was bewildering to say the least. The exact climate was a bit unclear. I did not have a firm grasp on what was actually going to unfold during those 7 days and on and on the list goes. How do you plan for something like this? It was just another step in the trust walk of this adoption process. To keep tract of the list of unknowns and uncertainties over the last 2 years leading up to this trip was too great of a task. But somehow, the details continued to fall in to place and encouraging us that God was in fact working everything out.

I just did the best I could, stuffing the suitcase with jeans, shorts and Capri pants. What the heck, variety never hurt anyone, right? I also put in the necessary items to bring our children home; we were instructed to bring clothes for them as well. Anything they were currently wearing belonged to the transitional home called “Layla House” and was to be left there for other children to use. That was fair. Layla House needed that stuff more than we did. Similar to the variety-pack I stockpiled in the suit case for myself, we had collected a variety of sizes for these 2 children that were legally “ours” (per the Ethiopian courts) but we had never met.

After longs hours of travel, settling in to the hotel and receiving our children on a bit of a rushed occasion, we were invited to come back the next morning to Layla House for a more in depth tour and a time of hanging out. We got ready in the cool of the Ethiopian morning. I picked out a comfortable pair of jean Capri pants and a red shirt saying “Inspi-(red)” on it. I don’t know where I acquired it from, probably Goodwill. Red isn't my favorite color against my pasty white skin but the concept that "The Gap" had designed the shirt to help fight against Aids was reason enough to wear it. [Although, the fact that I bought it second hand sort of eludes me from actually being a real part of the cause. But who’s keeping tract.] Our taxi took us to Layla House.

As we unloaded and entered through the door cut in the 10 foot wall surrounding the property I bumped in to one of the few American workers we had met the first day. She was a very outspoken and charismatic person from New Jersey that had a tremendous heart for the mission of this program. We had connected immediately and I knew she was the kind of person I would never forget. She had literally just arrived at work when we saw each other; we both stopped dead in our tracks. How is it possible, someone I had just met, that took up residency on the other side of the globe showed up that morning wearing the exact same shirt? She didn’t just own the same shirt as me... she was wearing it on the same day!

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God is a God of details. He doesn’t have to put specific color or flair to anything we go through but He delights in doing so. The Bible says He knows the number of hairs on top of our heads. That is not an exciting detail to most people. But it is to God. He knows everything about us. He knows how to remind us and specifically point every situation we go through back to Him. He is there in it! 

He chose to add a special detail of our trip to Ethiopia through that red shirt as a landmark that HE WAS THERE. It was a crazy whirlwind of a trip and even after almost 4 years that have gone by I still cling to the tiny detail of this shirt almost more than anything. I was exhausted from the traveling. I was overwhelmed with the newness of my 2 adopted children. I was unclear how to act and what to do as a new mom. God provided a detail in the heap of doubt and insecurity to breathe a needed sense of life and peace. “I am here with you!”

God is a God of details, specific details designed uniquely for me, designed uniquely for you, designed uniquely for each one of us. May we have eyes to see those details lovingly given from God, who is always with us!

We Are All Artists

Zippp, zippp, zippp. Clckkk. Clckkk. Clckkk. Not just one, not two but three drill guns going full speed attacking the raw emptiness of the two sheets of plywood. Bit by bit the pile of random sized wood piece are twisted, turned and planted on the plywood. The table saw assists in changing the few stragglers that need adjustments. A screw is fired through the layers uniting the pieces together and forming a masterpiece. From afar the furry is annoying, a borage of noise and saw dust. The neighbor peers from behind a white laced curtain in his window with curiosity, “What in the world is going on over there?” But the three soldiers armed with their drill guns are so focused they do notice, they do not even speak. They are deliberate with every minute as they force the wooden materials to conform to the patterns they are placed in. Each one of the three is giving their best as an act of service and worship to the Lord. As a result, God is the Master of this Ceremony, allowing each cut, each drill, each fastening to be a meaningful contribution to this work of art. What is it? Is it worth all this time? Will the church even use it on Easter Sunday? The true answer lies within the hearts and lives of the artists, not the audience.

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Last fall I read “A Million Little Ways: Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live” by Emily P. Freeman that suggested we are all born to create, all born as artists in some way. “…there is one thing I know for sure: I know you are an image bearer with a job to do. And the simplest description I can come up with for what this means is this: You are art and you make art.” (p. 33) We are all artists not just through paint and canvas but whatever stirs our hearts to “create”.

My husband is an artist and is stirred to create effective football plays ( Read: The Art of Football). My sister in law is an artist and is stirred to create new, delicious meals for her family. My cousin is an artist and is stirred to capture the beauty of life with her camera. A dear friend is an artist and is stirred to encourage people in health, fitness and even dance. I am surrounded by artists, each with unique backdrops and tools to live out the art within them.

As I read through the page of this book I began to understand. We ARE all artists, and are all born to “create” something. Freeman suggests, “Discovering what makes you come fully alive isn't the goal of life, but is evidence of life.” (p.56) Why? How is this possible? The fact of the matter is we are made in God’s image. He is the original Artist that created ALL things. It would not be possible for us to reflect our Maker and not possess that quality as well.

So, what is it? What is your art? What is it you were made to create? Find it. It may not come easy. It may take years of searching, testing and experimenting. But I assure you IT IS THERE! You are an artist and you were made to “live” this. So get to it; don’t worry about what it looks like or what others may think of it. Just do it as an act of service to God, your Creator, and watch how He takes a little spark and fans it in to a beautiful, fiery masterpiece! For His glory and honor. Amen!

"...whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

1 Corinthians 10:31

I Was a Surrogate Mother

I signed up through an agency to be a surrogate; I was so excited! I was going to be a surrogate! I was going to be a part of something bigger than myself; it would be so rewarding to be a part of something like this that it would all work out so easily & beautifully… Or so I had dreamed up.

 The first couple I was placed with we did 2 rounds of Invetro-fertilization (IVF)… both failed. I was not pregnant as a surrogate. I had prayed. I had sought the Lord and I had done everything I thought He was whispering in my heart to do but the procedures had not worked. I needed a break. This was not what I had signed up for. It was suppose to be easy and fulfilling to do the work God called me to do. But this was hard.

After some time off, I could not shake the idea of being a surrogate. I called up my agency and asked to put my name back in. A few shorts months after being placed with a new couple, I was finally pregnant as surrogate.

Unfortunately, at about 10 weeks pregnant, I miscarried their single child. It was a position I was not prepared for.  We sat in the exam room after receiving the news & just wept together; there were not words to describe the depths of their pain. You see, by the time a couple is using a surrogate you have to recognize they have already been through hell and back. They have tried every other option to get pregnant without success. Using a surrogate is typically the last straw for ever having a biological child.  If we were to try again, one last and final attempt, we knew the odds were against us. The Dr. explained that based on the circumstances [many failed IVF’s (the couple’s attempts), 1 miscarriage (with me, the surrogate) and the fact that we would be using frozen embryos] we would have about a 1% chance of success rate for getting pregnant with 1 baby.

We prayed. We sought council. We did not move until we had complete unity in the decision. In the end, we decided we had to go for it. After the procedure, the initial blood work came back quite high. We were definitely pregnant. Later, at the first ultrasound the Dr’s pointed out baby #1… baby #2… and finally baby #3: Triplets! However, we were told that at any point it was not uncommon for one of the babies to disappear or not make it; the Dr’s recommended not to get too excited.

It was a wild and crazy road. All of the typical rules or standards I had known about being pregnant were out the window. Being pregnant with triplets was a whole new ball game. It was quite an eventful pregnancy. Being a part of something “bigger than myself” did not look so glamorous. My belly grew at rates you could hardly keep tract of; I won’t even mention the amount of pounds I packed on. I went on bed-rest for 8 weeks and needed the help of so many people. It was a humbling and exhausting time.

At week 25, I went in to the hospital because one of the sacks had sprung a leak. To keep the babies as safe as possible, I would remain in the hospital until delivery. Day 1 of week 26 the triplets were born in an emergency c-section; it was a close call for the lives of all three babies. Although the triplets spent the next 15 weeks in the neo-natal intensive care unit I am happy to say that all three babies survived. And actually, more than that, I can share that today, April 11^th, 2014 they are celebrating their 6 year birthday!

Being a surrogate was not at all the fairy-tale I had dream it to be. I did not sign up for failed procedures. I did not sign up for complicated pregnancies or even triplets. And yet, although God did not need me at all to accomplish the impossible, He invited me in from the very beginning to be a part of something absolutely amazing, bigger than what I could have ever imagined. God does not promise the journey He calls us to live is going to be easy or even that we will find success. But He does promise that He will never fail, and that He will always be the same faithful God through the unpredictability of it all. It truly was a miracle and I am forever grateful for having been a part of it! To His glory and honor alone.

 

Image source: Google Images: http://www.parents.com/blogs/to-the-max/2013/07/30/autism/god-isnt-healing-my-child-with-cerebral-palsy/

In a Hectic Life, There Are Simple Joys

With five children, I am a HUGE advocate for shopping at Aldi. They have everything you need, it’s cheap and it’s a small enough store you can zip in & out quickly. However, today I needed something specifically from the grocery store 2 blocks from my house. Besides the few items, here is what else I walked away with:

1. I love that the man behind the deli counter knows my exact order even before I order it (yes, I get the same thing every single week; we refuse to live without their homemade salsa everyday & guacamole on the weekends!).

2. I love that the item on the top of my list of things to buy was on sale! Yeah!

3. I love that the lady checking out in front of me was able to come in to shop for ONE item and actually leave with only ONE item. Wow. Impressive!

4. I love that the cashier always asks me how my children are doing.

5. I love that it is a place where I always bump in to other families with kids that go to the same schools as my kids.  

Life is complicated. Life is messy. Life is really busy. But maybe not everything needs to be so difficult. Celebrating one simple joy of today: a pleasant, family owned/run store so close to our house! 

A question for you: what is a simple joy in the middle of your own hectic life? I would love to hear about it!

(Put a comment on Facebook OR sign in to your Google account, then leave a note here on my blog)

Image source: Google images http://homeandpantry.blogspot.com/2010/10/always-check-your-grocery-receipt.html

Carrying a Heavy Load?

Walking down a winding, storybook pebble trail I am whistling along enjoying the songs of the birds and gentle breeze on my smiling face. Life is good.

As I continue on I recognize a few things I need to bring along with me on my journey. I pick up a box labeled “family life”; it’s quite a hefty box but its meaning and value cannot be measured. Continuing along I see my gym bag and I know this will keep me fit and healthy; I can’t do without that.  Of course there is my Bible and a box labeled “ministry and service”; this is a different shaped kind of box and it is tough to put it on top of my pile by myself but I just barely manage to get everything balanced and I keep walking. I hear demands being made from inside some of the boxes and I know I must also stack on the box of “part time job”. I mean how else will the kids be able to do all of their activities? Right. OK, so I chuck that box on top; it isn’t too big of a box. It will be fine.  

From out of nowhere comes a small white box that mysteriously lands at the top of my stack labeled “rental property: needs painting and cleaning”; well, it wasn’t what I had planned for today but it’s a really small box that I only see from time to time. It will all be ok. My pace is slowing down but I am still moving. I see a sparkly, red box labeled “small groups”. Well, I must have that one; after all, I am an extrovert and need to be around people. I bet this box actually makes the load lighter. On the side of the box the directions included reading a few books together. Got it.

At this point I don’t know where the birds have gone; I can’t hear them singing anymore and Lord knows my whistling stopped a few boxes ago. But I will manage one step at a time. Just around the next curve in the path I see an odd shaped, rainbow colored box labeled “hobby”; I have been looking for this for such a long time. This box is a treasure and one I cannot be without. Right next to that box is a grey metal container with the word “GOALS” engraved in all capitol letters on the top. Oh yeah; I remember reading in a book that I need to have this one or my life with be meaningless. It isn’t a large container but it certainly is the heaviest one of the whole stack. As I place it on the very top my arms begin to shake uncontrollably. 

I look to the heavens and cry out to God, “Lord, give me strength to carry all of this!”

The breeze swirls around the boxes and crosses my face delivering a whisper from my heavenly Father, “I never meant for you to carry all of this; I am the One who is suppose to walk with you along this path and carry it all FOR you!”

“Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders—
    he’ll carry your load, he’ll help you out.”
Psalm 55:22a (The Message)

Prayer: May I daily learn to cast my cares to the One who does not grow weary or tired. He alone is strong enough to carry everything that comes my way. May my arms be willing to release these things to Him and receive the peace and rest that only He can provide!

Image Source: Google Images http://www.mylittlepatchofsunshine.com/2006_12_01_archive.html

One Station of the Cross

In the hope of sinking our teeth in to the Stations of the Cross, a fellow writer friend named Emily McFarlan Miller asked a group of writers to each choose a station and write as the Lord led.

My station can be found by clicking here: Stations of the Cross: Jesus is Denied By Peter

Prayer: May the Lord open our hearts to Him more and more in any avenue we venture down, work or play (or even writing). May God be in all we do and may we slow down enough to see Him there in it!!