Sharing My Addiction

I have a problem.

My guess is we all have one or two, maybe three if you are really mixed up.

But I have a problem.

My problem is that I love buying stationary. I confess I have an addiction to buying beautiful paper and cards to mail out to people. Always have. There is a bin in my basement with collected stationary since high school I have saved for just the moment I need it. I also have a drawer full of pretty cards all ready to be signed, sealed and delivered to a person in need of a “word”. One of my fondest memories of my time in France was getting to wander through their paper stores… because France is notorious for having a specialty store for just one kind of thing (Bread. Cheese. Wine. Paper.). How could it get any better than a paper store in France?! I mean really!

And so I think it is only fitting for me to be working on a letter writing project. God has taken something I love and put it to good use. I am dusting off the cards, filling them with something meant for good and mailing them off. I will never see them again but yet there is a great satisfaction in knowing my addiction might actually accomplish something.

So, what are you collecting? What is it that has you captivated and storing up in your house, your heart or your mind? Perhaps it time to open up the floodgates and share it with the masses. God gives us beautiful desires and passions that we cannot help but pursue and store up. But they are not just for the benefit of ourselves. Love fixing things? Great; pop over to a neighbor’s house who needs help. Love reading books? Great; host a book study. Love cooking? Great; I will be by for dinner at 6pm.

Let’s share… and put our addictions to good use!

¹⁷ Give this command to those who are rich with the things of this world. Tell them not to be proud. Tell them to hope in God, not their money. Money cannot be trusted, but God takes care of us richly. He gives us everything to enjoy. ¹⁸ Tell those who are rich to do good—to be rich in good works. And tell them they should be happy to give and ready to share. ¹⁹ By doing this, they will be saving up a treasure for themselves. And that treasure will be a strong foundation on which their future life will be built. They will be able to have the life that is true life.

1 Timothy 6:17-19

My Adopted Son Offers His Best; So Do I

Two pieces of white bread are delicately laid out on the counter. He takes the knife out of the jar and tries to smear the peanut butter around, fruitlessly. The delicious blob of brown goop refuses to submit to his authority. He is not fazed and continues on. Grabbing the squeeze bottle, he flips it over and clenches his fists around the middle of it as tightly as he can. Unaware of the “grr” coming  out of his mouth, his eyes open wider at the sight of the strawberry jelly piled high on the second piece of bread. Using the same metal knife, he spread the jelly around in the same unsuccessful fashion as the peanut butter. He is not deterred. Setting the sticky utensil down, he grabs each slice from underneath, and as if moving to the rhythm of an unheard slow song, the two slices collide and kiss in the middle. He flops the union of bliss on to a plastic orange plate. With pride and a smile from ear to ear he comes over to me and hands me the plate. “Here mom, I wanted to make you something. So I made you lunch!”

I am delighted and savor his offering of love.

I am that same child. I have meager efforts of projects and ideas that I muster together. Unaware of the holes in the middle or inability to spread things out evenly, my sandwiches of service and worship to God are done with the best intentions. They fall apart at times and lack the panache and graceful touches I strive to achieve. Do they meet the standards as a gift for the Holy of Holies? Are my offerings fit for the King of Kings? No way. They are not worthy. At close inspection I am aware that my gifts are shallow and inadequate. What am I to do? They are from the deepest parts of me that have been transformed since the moment of salvation. Oh how my heart hungers and thirsts to give my best, to give something to show my adoration and respect.  And so I offer my deficient efforts anyways, “God, here I wanted to do something for You. So, I…”

God is delighted and savors our offerings of love.

Let us not wait until we are perfect, 

with perfect gifts 

before we give God everything we have!

Olympic Prospects?

I love the Olympics. I love the idea of people gathering from all over the world for a common purpose. These athletes have been disciplined, they have been focused and they have trained so well that they make the delivery of such tasks look easy, even doable by the average Joe like me sitting on my couch watching from my TV. I think a lot of viewers are curious about which event we might be able to “do” if given the proper training. It’s inspiring and we all want to be there. But let’s face it: very few people ever actually make it to the Olympics. So, is there no hope for someone like me to travel the world for an amazing cause?     

Walking in to the large auditorium there were about 6,000 people already there. It was New Year’s Eve and we had each come from all different directions to be there to ring in the New Year together. The program had already begun as the band on the stage led the crowd in a familiar song but this version was unique from any other time I had heard it.

Finding a seat wasn’t as bad as you might think. We were each assigned to a specific seating area depending on where we had come from. I sat with the 10 people I had traveled with and a few hundred more. We all had one thing in common: we were American. The person on the end of my row was waving the stars and striped flag as we sang out the song. We felt like a tight knit group, sharing specific uniformities and commonalities because we had all come from the same place.

Yet when I stood up on my chair my vantage point changed. We were only one small piece of the vast collection of people celebrating. I could see out across the entire venue loads of flags waving and voices crying out… not in English but in the language native to each people group. The clusters of individuals were singing with gusto and pride as they represented their country, their families and their nation’s language.  

It was a real life masterpiece of colors and languages, cultures and nationalities that gathered together for one unifying reason. It was not to compete. It was not to prove who was the best. It was not to make a name for ourselves. Thousands of people had gathered in Amsterdam for the purpose of worshiping the Only True God as a single body of believers. We were each given the opportunity to join together as “One body” to learn, grow and worship the Lord together. We all left changed. We all left winners.

There is nothing wrong with the Olympics but the reality is that we do not all have any real prospect of going. However, we are all given the same opportunity to open our hearts and join a team led by the Creator of the Universe, taking on a uniform to represent Him in all we do. We may not be gold medal winners but can live our lives with God as our coach, cheering us on to do our best and helping us when we cannot.  And some day we will be a part of the heavenly choir declaring with one voice the anthem that Jesus is Lord!

⁹Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹ and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:9-11

  

Dare to Be More Than Average

I have 78 days left in my one year letter writing project. I think that still sounds like a lot, don’t you? But when I do the math and realize I have already completed 287 letters I kind of say to myself, “Eh, that’s pretty good.” Nope. If I continue to do the calculations that is only 78.6% complete. That is a C+ in a high school setting and considered average, at best. Do I want to remain as average? Not a chance.

Starting a project is pretty easy. There is excitement in the newness and the hope of something “big” happening. Finishing a project, well, that’s not as simple. It’s tough. It requires us to push past the fun and get to work. Work. That’s right, I said it. It’s not that I don’t like my letter writing project. I am honored to be a part of it… actually I am truly humbled at all that God has been doing through this project, almost daily! A few examples:

• ©      The school principle pulling over on the side of the road when she saw me walking the dog to tell me (with tears in her eyes) how much she really needed to hear the pep talk in her letter
• ©      The married couple crying together and feeling affirmed in their recent prayers by something mentioned in their letter
• ©      A dear woman of God saying the verse included in her letter has been her life verse for years (I had no way of knowing that… that was God orchestrating those details!)   

For me to actually finish this project will require giving more than “average” and to stretch myself beyond what I thought I would have to when I first started. To finish any project and move ahead of being average means we have to do things like work on days we want to rest, stay up when we want to sleep, go further than the fun stuff and even ask for help. Ahh. I know that last word is scary. Help. Truthfully, I don’t know another 78 people to write to so I can finish this project. But God got me in to this and I know He will HELP. He is gracious to help us complete things we cannot do on our own strength. In the end He gets all of the credit for it as He takes the little we have to offer and does something really amazing with it!  

Is there something gnawing in the back of your mind to do? Something bigger than yourself that God has put on your heart to complete? Are you midway through something but you haven’t quite finished it yet? Let’s do it. Let’s turn off the TV, stop making excuses and just do it. Let’s finish what God has asked us to. With God on our side, we CAN dare to be more than average!  

Prayer: Lord, take my little bit and make it amazing! For Your glory alone. Amen.        

(Image taken from Google Images found on this link: http://www.cbtownside.com/blog/P130/)      

I Don’t Always Want to Write About Adoption

I have noticed a well defined pattern with my blog: the most read entries are the ones when I have shared some of the raw, unedited versions of our life with two adopted children (by a HUGE landslide). Words cannot express how much I appreciate the support and interest on the reader’s parts. Truthfully, I am honored that in this busy world, so many people are taking the time to read some of my stories, reflections, struggles.

But can I be honest? I don’t always want to write about adoption. I want to be able to write about fluffy kittens, swing sets in the park or the cool breeze blowing outside. I don’t always want to dig past the surface or the façade of “easy”. I want to tell you that I have it all figured out and simply declare that life is effortless and grand… just grand.

But I would not be true to myself or to God who has called me to write.

It’s not always easy to sit at my computer as the tears stream down my face and muster the courage to share about some of the things that are so close to our hearts and yet so out of our control. To rip off our covering and expose the naked truth with vulnerability about the real stuff we go through is scary. However, publicly confessing our weaknesses and daily battles are done as a yielding to the Lord.  We know that as we discover the end of our rope, there inlays the starting point of where God can begin HIS work. My hope in my writing is to meet you there, at that spot... the position where we must surrender our pride, our reputation and our false appearances to those around us and let God in. In those moments He reveals His strength, His power and His hidden mysteries in the midst of our untangling and can bring good out of anything.

Beauty instead of ashes.

Strength instead of pain.

Joy instead of mourning.

Praise instead of despair. 

There is a temptation to be swayed by the numbers or feel the pressure of pleasing the crowd. I am grateful for your investment of time to read this. Nonetheless, please know I strive to use this blog not as entertainment or an emotional ploy but as a platform of challenge for myself and for the reader. I will continue to write about things God puts on my heart to share, sometimes about adoption, sometimes not (yes, there are a few other things in my life besides adoption). My prayer is that no matter the subject, the end goal would be the same: to draw each one of us closer to God the Father at the foot of His throne and to bring glory to His name!   

Adoption Reality: No one Is Perfect

She sits rubbing and rolling the edge of her sock trying to avoid the conversation. Oh how she wishes she could be anywhere else but here. She refuses to look at us. Her chin rests against her chest as she speaks in an ever so faint voice. Slowly she musters a few words, taking long breaks in between her thoughts. One single tear rolls down her cheek and lands on the white sock she has been playing with.  

“I don’t want to be in this family anymore. It’s not worth it.”

She had a huge breakthrough this fall, established with a declaration of her desire to “stay”. But this week, these past few days have been hard. Her temper and frustration have been percolating and finally brewed over on several specific instances causing harm and difficulty for those around her. She was called out and punished on each occasion, not by a spanking or a trip to her room… but a designated time to stay right by me, mom. As she was kept close, all freedom of choice was relinquished and I was in charge of making sure she was “safe”.

So today in counseling, we are discussing how to deal with “big” feelings in a more positive way. The conversation has come to a crossroad at the statement she has just made. She goes on, revealing where her heart is at:

“I keep messing up in this family. What if they don’t want me anymore and decide to give me away… will someone else have to adopt me?”

She is weary from the façade of flawlessness. She is at the end of her answers and is filled with doubt and questions. Scraping the scab off, she has opened up the raw wound of pain and hurt from the abandonment of her first family. Her soul is downcast upon the discovery of not being perfect, of not being able to keep from making mistakes. She is consumed by fear from the reality of her past.

“Do you think that we will only keep you in this family if you are perfect?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know who else makes mistakes in this family? Me. Daddy. Sibling 1, 2, 3, 4.”

Her eyes strain to the right to watch me; her head slowly tilts sideways and she begins to lean towards me as I state every single family member by name that has ever made a mistake: ALL of us! 

 Ooh, my heart breaks; in her vulnerability, I wonder how can I help her calm her fears? She has heard this countless times before but today she hungers to hear it again. I wrap my arms around her and remind her: We are her forever family! We will love her no matter what. We will not leave her. We are all flawed and deal with things we cannot change about ourselves. But as a family, TOGETHER we will seek to draw closer to the Author of our Salvation who can re-write some of the errors of our ways.

“I am grateful for those mistakes. It is only by those mistakes we make, that help us to realize our need for God in our lives! God loves us despite our mistakes and He alone can change us and make us whole!”

Prayer: May we all recognize the flaws in our lives only reveal our deep need for God. No one is perfect. May we each receive God’s grace, love for us and desire to keep us as His own, forever! May God continue to speak this in to the heart of my little girl and each one of us that has ever known the feeling of being unlovable or not worth keeping. God CAN fill that void!