Adoption Reality: No one Is Perfect

She sits rubbing and rolling the edge of her sock trying to avoid the conversation. Oh how she wishes she could be anywhere else but here. She refuses to look at us. Her chin rests against her chest as she speaks in an ever so faint voice. Slowly she musters a few words, taking long breaks in between her thoughts. One single tear rolls down her cheek and lands on the white sock she has been playing with.  

“I don’t want to be in this family anymore. It’s not worth it.”

She had a huge breakthrough this fall, established with a declaration of her desire to “stay”. But this week, these past few days have been hard. Her temper and frustration have been percolating and finally brewed over on several specific instances causing harm and difficulty for those around her. She was called out and punished on each occasion, not by a spanking or a trip to her room… but a designated time to stay right by me, mom. As she was kept close, all freedom of choice was relinquished and I was in charge of making sure she was “safe”.

So today in counseling, we are discussing how to deal with “big” feelings in a more positive way. The conversation has come to a crossroad at the statement she has just made. She goes on, revealing where her heart is at:

“I keep messing up in this family. What if they don’t want me anymore and decide to give me away… will someone else have to adopt me?”

She is weary from the façade of flawlessness. She is at the end of her answers and is filled with doubt and questions. Scraping the scab off, she has opened up the raw wound of pain and hurt from the abandonment of her first family. Her soul is downcast upon the discovery of not being perfect, of not being able to keep from making mistakes. She is consumed by fear from the reality of her past.

“Do you think that we will only keep you in this family if you are perfect?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know who else makes mistakes in this family? Me. Daddy. Sibling 1, 2, 3, 4.”

Her eyes strain to the right to watch me; her head slowly tilts sideways and she begins to lean towards me as I state every single family member by name that has ever made a mistake: ALL of us! 

 Ooh, my heart breaks; in her vulnerability, I wonder how can I help her calm her fears? She has heard this countless times before but today she hungers to hear it again. I wrap my arms around her and remind her: We are her forever family! We will love her no matter what. We will not leave her. We are all flawed and deal with things we cannot change about ourselves. But as a family, TOGETHER we will seek to draw closer to the Author of our Salvation who can re-write some of the errors of our ways.

“I am grateful for those mistakes. It is only by those mistakes we make, that help us to realize our need for God in our lives! God loves us despite our mistakes and He alone can change us and make us whole!”

Prayer: May we all recognize the flaws in our lives only reveal our deep need for God. No one is perfect. May we each receive God’s grace, love for us and desire to keep us as His own, forever! May God continue to speak this in to the heart of my little girl and each one of us that has ever known the feeling of being unlovable or not worth keeping. God CAN fill that void!