Confessions From An Adoptive Mom: The Raw Truth

Warning: If you want to hear the easy, “rainbows and unicorns” version of what it’s like to adopt, you need to check out another blog. If you are up for hearing the raw, unbaked version of what it’s like to be a parent of two adopted kids… read on.

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Tonight my husband and all 3 of my biological kids were gone, each having their own set of plans. It was just me and my two adopted kiddos left at home. Even after almost 6 years, interactions with them alone with them can be awkward or difficult or both. I confess how easy it would have been to just set them up in front of a movie downstairs and watch my own movie upstairs: lovely, quiet night.   

God intervened and I managed to choose an interactive and fun activity with them:

Bake chocolate chip cookies.

My adopted kids have never baked them before. Why? They have been around long enough. Maybe it is the attachment relationship struggles we have wrestled with since day one with my daughter. Or all of the mouthy-ness and blatant defiance my son has been steeped in these last 6 months. Frustration after frustration and I find that I don’t want to be close to them, physically close enough to bake. I lack the patience and drive to find intentional one on one time with them. They are so hard to be around.

Tonight we baked.

He measured the flour and cracked an egg. She mixed in the sugar and cracked the other egg. God, I beg You for strength to keep my mouth shut.  Despite my instructions, my daughter ejected the beaters 3 times in a row before she figured out to push the button forward to turn on the mixer. God, help me to stay calm and be patient.  My son spills more flour on the counter than what is caught in the measuring cup. Uneven scoops of dough rolled across the pan and landed on the floor.

The cookies are done. No one lied or stole. No one sassed back at mom. No one pouted or rolled their eyes. No one sabotaged the event. We stood close together and even giggled once. We got the job done. Together.

And I paused: thank you God so much for this gentle and kind interaction with them!  We have so few moments without a battle and argument. This is a "God sized", huge feet for an adoptive mom who desperately wants to love her children that reject, fight and stay at a distance from normal signs of care.

Tonight the house is warm with love and filled with the sweet aroma of hope from the best cookies we have ever made, together! 

How to Find Rest in a Busy Day?

He climbs in to the bed and slinks his tiny little body right next to mine. It doesn’t matter that we had been frustrated with each other the night before. All is forgotten and it is a new day. He gently places his little head next to my shoulder and snuggles close. He grabs my hands and creates a rhythm as he squeezes it to let me know he is there.

Squeeze. Squeeze. Shuffle. Shuffle. Squeeze.

Shuffle. Squeeze. Squeeze. Shuffle.

His eyes are shut but his body is in motion. Constant motion. He cannot rest.  Does he know I am his mom and I will help take care of him? Isn’t that knowledge enough to quiet his soul and allow him to sleep?  I will do everything I can to make sure he has all that he needs. He can rest, assured he is not alone and he does not have to worry.  I roll over and whisper, “Be still, my son.”

In all honesty my eyes are shut too; my body is not moving but my mind is in constant motion. In the wake of my son’s movements I begin to calculate the day’s events and strategize the family schedule. Plotting and planning how to get everything done.  I cannot rest. Then, suddenly, in the quiet of the room I am reminded of the TRUTH.  Just like I will do for my son, God will make sure I have all that I need to get through the day. I can rest, assured that I am not alone and I do not have to worry. My Heavenly Father whispers to me, “Be still my daughter, and know that I am God.”

That knowledge is enough to quiet my soul. Today I will rest in God.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for Your gentle reminders that you care for each one of us. There is no need to fret or worry… You have everything under control. May we receive Your peace to help us get through each day… especially the busy ones! Amen.

Image source: https://www.etsy.com/listing/87743403/vinyl-wall-decalbe-still-and-know-that-i

Every Child Matters: A Story Worth reading

 It has been awhile since I have written in my blog. I apologize but today I had a story I thought was worth sharing. I work for a Christian non-profit organization that fights against world hunger called Feed My Starving Children (FMSC). You can come to any of 7 different permanent sites to help pack food specifically designed for starving bodies; the food is shipped to 70 counties around the world.

We also have MobilePack events; these are packing events hosted by churches, businesses or groups of people that want to help pack food at a location other than our permanent sites. This weekend I worked at a MobilePack event in Naperville; the goal was to pack one million meals in two days. Here is just one highlighted story...

Sitting at the labeling tables was a mom with two young children. The child on the inside of the table was a beautiful little blonde girl busy labeling bags on her own. The other child positioned at the end of table was a severely handicapped boy, probably around the age of 4 or 5. Due to the complexity of the wheelchair, it was clear this child had very little to no mobility of any of his limbs. At first glance this mom looked like every other labeler we had, just chatting with the person across the table from her as she worked. But then, something caught my eye.  I stopped and took notice: after she placed a label on each bag she lovingly reached over to her son’s clenched hand and gently placed it on top of the bag, then slid his hand from side to side to cover the label.  Lastly, she would add it to the “done” stack of bags and continue doing this again and again.

What I love so much about what we do at FMSC is that we are not just an organization about the bottom line, efficiency numbers or cost effectiveness. FMSC is first and foremost about the power of changing the life of ONE child at a time. Every child has a name. Every child has a story. Every child matters.

This mom could have potentially labeled twice as many bags had she not taken the time to allow her handicapped son to actively participate. One step further, she didn’t even have to bring him; she could have hired a babysitter and not had him there at all. But she did. The actions of this mom were a beautiful reflection of the same mission we have at FMSC. Her son has a name: Aaron*.  Her son has a story. It mattered that he was there because he had something to offer. This weekend, Aaron helped us reach our goal of packing one million meals!

I was honored to be a part of this event and inspired by incredible people like this mom doing incredible things for God with simple acts of love. Amen!  

(*Name changed for privacy purposes.)