"Gotcha Day": Dreaming of a Future

Today is "Gotcha Day"! Four years ago our family received Birdy and Elias, forever. We are grateful for all that God has done. And we know because of God, they have a beautiful future... our prayer is they would KNOW it too!

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“Mommy, house much would it be for me to buy the old house?”

He was referring to the two-flat we used to live in and now use as a rental property. I am not too sure where he is going with the line of questioning.

“No never mind. I want to buy a house by the beach when I grow up.”

I am relieved I don’t have to decide on an exact selling price or explain how much money that would actually be to him. I didn’t even get to the concept of real estate taxes and home owners insurance; I am sure they didn’t cover that this year in kindergarten.  

“I am going to buy a boat too.”

I want to discuss the huge responsibility a boat would be. The cost of maintenance and up-keep alone would be like another mortgage payment. Not to mention the huge safety risks that go along with being the owner of a boat. He would need to make sure to have enough life jackets for everyone that gets on the boat. And who knows how much the extra supplies, like skis, is going to tally up to. 

STOP. 

Somewhere in the back of my mind I remember reading from some expert, when your kids dream about their future don’t add logic or the realities of life to it. Just let them dream… and ask more questions.

“So, what will you name your boat? You know a boat has to have a name.” I ask.

“Oh. You know what else? I will have two jet skis. One will be pink and purple for you mommy, when you come to visit. The other one will be blue for daddy to drive around.”

He is dreaming about his future, about a house on the beach and lots of fun things to supply his guests… namely me. He wants me to come visit. He wants me to have fun. And he wants the very best for me when I am with him.

I think what he is trying to say is, “Mommy, I love you.”

Keep dreaming things up, my son. I am so glad to be your mommy... I love you too!

Image source: Google Images: http://drprem.com/life/loose-yourself-in-your-dream-and-let-dreams-inspire-you-for-new-you/

I Love Rain!

I love rain.

I love rainy days.

I love thunderstorms & the sound of rain pouring down outside.

Last night we had a beautiful thunderstorm. The weather station even had it rated as pink and purple  on the radar scale (vs. the varying shades of green we see with the typical light rain)… and it was such a welcomed treat. Thunder. Lightening. Even hail. A baseball game had to end early and forced all of us back home, together. As we sat in my dining room as a family watching the hail collect on one of the lawn chairs outside, I was curious what it is about rain that I love so much.

I am an active person. I started exercising about 10 years ago and have enjoyed challenging myself through various races and athletic events. I have 5 children who love playing sports; we spend a lot of our days zipping around from one sporting event to another. I have a husband who is a coach. Add his sports to the calendar and we have quite a hefty load.  So, why would I like rainy days when we are such an active family living life on the go, go, go?

It’s simple: rain forces us to slow down. As much as I enjoy getting things done, I have this deep, secret love for just lying around and doing nothing. Just sitting. Snuggling. Being. The rain is an exempt card from the rat race color coded on my refrigerator calendar. Rain gives automatic permission to skip the zipping around and to just rest. The dark skies and lulling of the rain pitter pattering on the rooftops beckons us to enjoy people, not events.  Rain is less demanding than the dictating sun that presumes a “to do” list in our minds. Rain offers time to just be together instead of do together and it is lovely.

Thank You, Lord, for rain.

Thank You, Lord, for rainy days.

Thank You, Lord, for thunderstorms & the sound of rain pouring down outside

 as we spend time together as a family! 

Image source: Google Images: http://www.banderabulletin.com/news/article_c49dc27c-9bb2-11e1-b79c-001a4bcf887a.html?mode=image&photo=0

Need Help? I Dare You to Ask For It

It was another rough morning as an adoptive mom. Literally upon the door closing behind my youngest 3 children walking out the door to go to school, I burst in to tears. Desperate for a message of hope, I sat at the computer and pulled up Bible Gateway (they have awesome devotionals!).  I clicked on and read the  “Women’s Devotional” which ended with “...Whatever your task today, dare to ask the wild, holy, Sovereign God of Ezekiel to reveal his majesty to encourage and strengthen you.”

OK. Exactly what I needed to do and who I need to find my strength from. I turned on some worship music. Crying. Pity party. Blah blah. “God help me to know I am not alone in this.”

Enough! Disgusted with the mess I was becoming, I got up and went to clean myself up: brushing my hair, washing my face and pulling it together. I came back to the computer to find a Facebook message from an uncle I don’t see or hear from very often. He shared a link for an Ethiopian Adopted Family Camp… and he mentioned he was proud of what we were doing.

Message received, loud and clear (and mind blowing!).

I am not alone; neither are you. God does provide strength and encouragement just when we need it. God does strengthen  us when we ask. Period.

Don’t believe me? Have the courage to ask God for whatever it is you need TODAY. 

Be specific, really specific. Don’t hesitate or do it half hearted. Be honest & lay it all out there. Then, prepare to be amazed at how the wild, holy & Sovereign God WILL answer your cry.

I dare you!

Image Source: Google Images https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13561164-dare-you-to

Coincidence? No Way.

God is a God of details. He delights in reminding us of His ever present thought and attention to the very threads that make up our lives. I do not believe in coincidences; I simply point all of those crazy, unexpected little “happenings” all back to God.

Like yesterday… 

I was sitting in the Honda dealership playroom with my 7 year old son Elias. We had never been in this room before but did our best to pass the 2 hours of time we were there to have the van repaired. We ate our packed lunch, played with the trains, and read this silly little book called “Googlies”. A little out of character for me, I posted it on Facebook (again, just to pass the time).

My sister has a 4 year old son named Locke. We always joke that Elias and Locke are twins! (Although one is blond as could be and the other is dark chocolate brown.) Whenever they get together they are attached at the hip… laughing and playing off in their own little world, as if they were twins since birth. They are inseparable and always seem to go out of their way to do thoughtful things for each other. As a twin, I think it’s fair to say with certainty you can’t explain the bonds of twin-hood… but they run deep and are more than any other friendship.

My sister (twin sister) had been to the library earlier on in the day. And wouldn't you know what book Locke had been reading too?

Coincidence? No way. Just another one of God’s sweet and tender gestures of attending to the beautiful details of the lives of 2 little boys that love each other... like twins! 

Prayer: Thank you Lord that You love us! Thank you that You love the details in our lives and supply us with so many reminders of who You are in those "details" that energize us throughout the day! 

Adoption: Pictures of Their Beginning

“Send photos of you on the day your children were born” was the request made by the media pastor of our church. He was putting together a video montage for the Mother’s Day service. Then during the service, the children would be brought up on stage and sing “The Best Day of My Life” with the slide show being displayed in the background of all of the “first” pictures.

I have some pictures to send: three to be exact. Pictures of three separate days I was chubby, tired and sore but over the moon about the newest child I had given birth to! But I have 5 children. Something is amiss. The youngest two had “birth dates”. I assume their birth mom was the same: chubby, tired and sore but over the moon about the birth of her newest child. I wasn’t there and yet I now receive the honored title of “mom” to these two precious children.

I have been overwhelmed, stressed and pulling out my hair lately with everyday activities that have not been going well with these two kiddos. But upon considering the request of my Pastor, I found myself weepy and sentimental. These two had beginnings that I was not a part of. Were they born with full heads of hair? Were they good sleepers? Whose features did they inherit? All big huge “I don’t know’s” and I never will.

So, on Mother’s Day these most deep rooted, mixed emotions were resting right below the surface of my heart. Am I a good mom? Am I doing a good enough job? Do I really deserve to be recognized today knowing all of my shortcomings… especially with my two adopted kiddos? The answer came in a worship song…

[Verse 2:]
Who brings our chaos back into order
Who makes the orphan a son and daughter
The King of Glory, the King of Glory

[Chorus:]
This is amazing grace
This is unfailing love
That You would take my place
That You would bear my cross
You lay down Your life
That I would be set free
Oh, Jesus, I sing for
All that You've done for me

(Lyrics from “This Is Amazing Grace by Phil Wickham)

These two children had a beginning with us. I was not wearing a hospital gown like all of the other pictures. There was no pomp and circumstance but we had a beginning. They were scared and unsure of what was happening (truthfully, we were too). It was awkward and felt strange. We are not even sure of what they were told: about their birth family, about us, about what was going to happen. But they were handed over to us and we opened our hearts and home to them. It was a new “birth”, a new beginning for all of us.

We don’t always know the answers or have the right way to handle things that come up on a daily basis. But what a JOY to be reminded: it isn’t all left for us to figure out… we can trust God to make the orphans a SON and a DAUGHTER as only HE can!!

FluffyTopic: Robes & Other Reminder of Love & Safety

One last post to help enjoy this Mother's Day weekend. Inspired from another bedroom in my house...

A pink terry-cloth bathrobe: What kind of feelings does it stir in you? Maybe you look at it and don’t think much about it. Maybe you think it’s ugly, old and worn out. Or perhaps you think “old lady” because surely no one under the age of 80 wears a pink terry-cloth bathrobe around the house.

For me, it brings about feelings of love and safety. Many years ago my beloved and favorite aunt bought me one when I was in college. I cannot remember why she bought it but she was the kind of person that never needed a reason or occasion to bring you a special gift. She loved to “love” people with every fiber of her being. She was successful at that and I always knew she loved me.

Sadly, when it was too worn and ragged to keep, I had to discard it. Not too long after that my husband and children bought me a new pink terry cloth bathrobe for a Mother’s Day gift. It did not truly replace the old one. It took on its own unique sense of love and security knowing my family bought it for me as a gift wrapped with honor and respect. This bathrobe too has become a treasured item to me around my house (especially this extremely cold winter and my house thermostat never rose above 64!).

So, why do some material possession become so sacred to us? Why do we put so much value and worth in them? Isn’t it wrong to hold so tightly to some “thing”? The truth is that these items are not idols to worship; we know nothing will last forever. However, we cherish these keepsakes because they simply act as “stones of remembrance” of blessings given to us from God. For we know that all good things come from Him. It is yet another opportunity to show gratitude for simple joys or pleasures in life. 

And perhaps we can pass that along to those around us as well…in hopes of creating the same genuine feelings of safety and love.

Bunny Image Source: 

the bed of one of my daughters, who received this on a day when she desperately need to be reminded of how loved she is and feel the safety of her family around her.

Bite Out of Life

In light of Mother's Day weekend, this is a post inspired from the jowls of the boys' bedroom in my house:

Imaginations do not grow old and retire… unless we let them. May you open your mind to every possibility today. Take some time today to sit and dream. 

                           Something new. 

Something you have never done before. 

Something you have always wanted to do. 

Dream it up and then do something about it. 

Just go for it… Don’t be afraid to take a BITE out of life!

(Image source: my 7 year old son’s bedroom; can you find all 6 Lego men? They are there!)

What to do when you are crabby for no reason

I am crabby today.

Everything unfolding around me this morning is annoying me. Man, my legs are sore. Why can’t she just wake up being nice? How did the mess get so big when he has only been awake for 20 minutes? Did that child really just dump an entire bag of pretzels on the floor that I just bought yesterday? Does anyone care about me at all?

On the inside I am screaming and swearing. I want to run away from the overwhelming demands of life and live on a remote island, alone. Or at the very least, I want to crawl back in to bed and start the day over again in a few hours, differently. I envy the dog just laying there in peace, without a care in the world. Life feels so complicated and I don’t always feel equipped to handle the daily challenges. Wallowing in self pity, feeling wronged and mistreated, I wonder how am I ever suppose to get some perspective?

“Sing and make music in your hearts to the Lord.  Always give thanks

to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

 Ephesians 5:19b-20

Man, my legs are sore. I am grateful for being able to exercise and have the flexibility in my day to do this.

Why can’t she just wake up being nice? I am grateful that I am privileged enough to be at home every morning  with my children through any mood or circumstance.

How did this mess get so big when he has only been up for 20 minutes? I am grateful for this beautiful home the Lord gave to us over 2 years ago. The extra space has been such a gift!

Did that child really dump an entire bag  of pretzels on the floor that I just bought yesterday? I am grateful we have enough resources to feed our family every single day; I know this is not the case for everyone in my community and around the world. I am grateful for all the amazing ways that the Lord provides.

Does anyone care about me at all? I am grateful that God is always with me; I am never alone and His love is endless! God is always on my side and has great plans for me. God has given me an incredible (and sexy) husband and a wonderful family that I do not deserve. I am so blessed!

Prayer: Lord, when I am crabby and wallowing for no reason at all, please help me to see all of the blessings You have given to me. Help me to open my eyes to recognize how blessed I truly am. My heart’s desire is to live my life serving You and those around me… and I can’t do that when I am looking inward, not outward. Forgive me for my bad attitude and make me new, today!

Image source: Google Images http://sneachtapix.deviantart.com/art/My-View-Of-The-World-317870423

Adoption: Failure Today, Try Again Tomorrow

Zipping around the house, furiously trying to whip the vacuum in to submission as I try to pick up every last piece of dog hair and dust on the wood floor. With my fading sense of dignity I pretend that if my house is clean and orderly, my life will also reflect the same status. Pushing chairs out of the way, reaching out to make sure there is no corner or crack left untouched, I cringe at the waif of defeat seeping in to hidden areas of the house, of my life.

We have had “one of those” days. It was one of those days we wished we didn’t have to address the issue, again. We caught her stealing, and then heard too many lies about it afterwards. She had refused to acknowledge the truth but we knew. We knew what had happened and couldn’t seem to shake the desire to get her to understand the power of her actions. We were desperate to find some kind of logic in this scene but could not. Like the grey hairs sprouting up on my scalp, this is becoming utterly all too familiar these days.   

Yes, she is hurting. She has been hurting her whole life: one betrayal after another; years of abandonment and neglect. Trust broken so many times she may not even recognize trust anymore, even if it grabbed her by the leg and bit her. She is still nestled so closely to her pain that she cannot venture out past it for very long. She holds tightly to its familiarity, reveling in the security of it. Her birth family failed her.

 But tonight, I have failed too. I failed to show compassion to a pain that will not stop resurfacing in my daughter and justifies her bad decisions (in her mind). I failed to see beyond my own feelings of betrayal and hurt because of broken trust. I have failed to see how to teach my daughter to trust (and because of that trust, make better choices), when no one else has done it. I have failed to repair and restore a relationship with love. No matter how much I vacuum tonight, the botched up mess remains.

I creep in to her bedroom and tap on her shoulder. Groggy and reluctant she finally turns towards me; I feebly attempt to speak truth to my daughter, “I want to tell you something… No matter how many times you mess up, I will still be here for you. That’s what families do. We will always be here for you!”

Is it enough? No.

Will something like this happen again? Probably.

Can we start again afresh and new tomorrow? Absolutely!

Image Source: Google Iages http://workingwomenoffaith.com/?p=95