Settling In

Over the weekend I went to my very first official event for writers called Renew and Refine Retreat for Writers. It was set in a small campground facility in Michigan complete with a farmhouse, a barn with horses, and a small lake with an even smaller sandy beach and pier. The size or the amenities of the facility had very little impact on the effectiveness of the designated time together as a group of writers.

The last time I went to a conference was just this fall for children’s ministry put together by Group Publishing. It was big and flashy, complete with just about every bell and whistle you could think of, and then some. I had at least 10 classes to choose from at every session and got to hear some amazing bands, speakers (like Beth Moore!) and even took home all kinds of free stuff. But at the time of this retreat my soul was at a point of unrest. I had been struggling all summer and in to the fall with God about my “call” in life; I had been furiously reading books, praying, fasting and just plain wrestling with God about this specifically.

You see, shortly after coming to know Christ in high school, I felt a “call” to be a missionary. During that time period in my life I took advantage of every opportunity to take various short term mission trips. Fast forwarding 20 years, I am not on the mission field and have not been since I got married. However, I have been faithfully serving “where I am planted” by getting involved in children’s ministry. Thus, this is how I found myself at this highly attended and polished conference this fall. Don’t get me wrong, it was an amazing experience; I had a blast! But I walked away from the conference more confirmed than ever that my “call” was not specific to children’s ministry—which I am certain was the exact opposite intentions of the conference.

In comparison, this past weekend I walked away with a new, unfamiliar feeling: a settling in of sorts. It was a sensation as if I was scooching back in my most favorite and comfortable chair, finding just the right spot to finally fit in and feel at rest.  There were about 20 people total at the retreat and they were fantastic (with unbelievable abilities I can only hope to acquire some day) but that was not the cause for this new found sentiment. The food was absolutely superb but it was not the reason for the sensation of being full, satisfied. The flowing grassy field with horses by the entry way of the camp was breathtaking but again, was not the source for the praise in my heart.

God has faithfully heard my cry and need for direction since last summer. He spoke directly to me through very specific incidences that have brought me to this position of writing. I know I may not be the most qualified or the most experienced but for whatever reason God has placed it on my heart to write, at this time. And for the first time in a very long time my heart is settled.

Prayer: I may not know why You have asked me to write. I may doubt that I am the best person for the “job” (so to speak) but I have given my life fully over to You Lord. I know Your ways are not like mine; Your ways are higher and I want to follow You in that! Continue to specifically guide and direct me. Thank you Lord that You care enough to answer our questions and love us even when we don’t understand the circumstances of our lives. I am grateful and full of peace today because of You!