Adoption: She was Healed, We Were Not

As we walk in to Walmart, my oldest daughter, Paris, and I decide to divide and conquer the list of needed items from the store. We each quickly take our half of the list and walk in separate directions. My two adopted children, Birdy and Elias, stand there in confusion as to who they should “go” with. Paris immediately looks back, grabs the hand of her brother and scoops him up on her back. They trek away as if voyaging off on the adventure of their lives together.

Birdy is left with no choice but to meander towards pet supplies with me. Looking over her shoulder, she stares at her two siblings and says something out loud. I don’t know if she meant to ask me or not but she wanted to know why Paris “always picks him”. In the hustle of the store I did not filter my answer with fluff or political correctness; perhaps I should have. I simply reminded her, “Birdy, you have to remember that for three and a half years you did not want to be here or have anything to do with any of us; you may not have even noticed but they became friends during that time. It’s just in the past few months that you have changed your mind… it’s going to take some time to build that friendship with your siblings like he did too.”   

The bare, naked truth of the family matter is that Birdy was healed this past fall, we were not. God changed her heart and has made her a new member of our family! We are all beyond grateful. But the rest of us have some catching up to do. Of course we are enjoying creating new patterns of how to be a family together but that is what they are: new. It’s easy to ask us, “Well why don’t you just all forgive each other and be one big happy family?” Asking a question like is completely oblivious to the impact the difficulty and pain with our daughter had on our family for so long. Relationships take time; healing and building trust in relationships take even more time.

 It was a miracle. And there are new little miracles many days as we are building and restoring relationships together. There are also those days we slip up and fall back in to our old patterns (each one of us, Birdy included) and we have to remind ourselves those are our old ways; we apologize, forgive each other and continue to move forward.

I wish I could snap my finger and make each one of my children be friends with each other, no squabbling and no contention. Yet I know I am only the mom and I cannot do that. Our heavenly Father can snap His finger and change us in an instant like a strike of lightning; however, more times than not He pushes us to new challenges and situations that involve the unhurried “crock pot” changes in our lives to make us the people, the family, the Christ followers He has intended us to be. In the slow and arduous process, we are certain to discover our Savior in a deeper, more intimate way: a way we could not have found in quick and easy circumstances.

Chaney Family Prayer: As a family, we are in this for the long haul… may we be open to You, Lord, as You reveal Your love and glory to us each day. Psalm 25: 4-5

Show us your ways, Lord,
    teach us your paths.
 Guide us in your truth and teach us,
    for you are God our Savior,
    and our hope is in you all day long.