Confessions From An Adoptive Mom: The Raw Truth

Warning: If you want to hear the easy, “rainbows and unicorns” version of what it’s like to adopt, you need to check out another blog. If you are up for hearing the raw, unbaked version of what it’s like to be a parent of two adopted kids… read on.

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Tonight my husband and all 3 of my biological kids were gone, each having their own set of plans. It was just me and my two adopted kiddos left at home. Even after almost 6 years, interactions with them alone with them can be awkward or difficult or both. I confess how easy it would have been to just set them up in front of a movie downstairs and watch my own movie upstairs: lovely, quiet night.   

God intervened and I managed to choose an interactive and fun activity with them:

Bake chocolate chip cookies.

My adopted kids have never baked them before. Why? They have been around long enough. Maybe it is the attachment relationship struggles we have wrestled with since day one with my daughter. Or all of the mouthy-ness and blatant defiance my son has been steeped in these last 6 months. Frustration after frustration and I find that I don’t want to be close to them, physically close enough to bake. I lack the patience and drive to find intentional one on one time with them. They are so hard to be around.

Tonight we baked.

He measured the flour and cracked an egg. She mixed in the sugar and cracked the other egg. God, I beg You for strength to keep my mouth shut.  Despite my instructions, my daughter ejected the beaters 3 times in a row before she figured out to push the button forward to turn on the mixer. God, help me to stay calm and be patient.  My son spills more flour on the counter than what is caught in the measuring cup. Uneven scoops of dough rolled across the pan and landed on the floor.

The cookies are done. No one lied or stole. No one sassed back at mom. No one pouted or rolled their eyes. No one sabotaged the event. We stood close together and even giggled once. We got the job done. Together.

And I paused: thank you God so much for this gentle and kind interaction with them!  We have so few moments without a battle and argument. This is a "God sized", huge feet for an adoptive mom who desperately wants to love her children that reject, fight and stay at a distance from normal signs of care.

Tonight the house is warm with love and filled with the sweet aroma of hope from the best cookies we have ever made, together! 

How to Find Rest in a Busy Day?

He climbs in to the bed and slinks his tiny little body right next to mine. It doesn’t matter that we had been frustrated with each other the night before. All is forgotten and it is a new day. He gently places his little head next to my shoulder and snuggles close. He grabs my hands and creates a rhythm as he squeezes it to let me know he is there.

Squeeze. Squeeze. Shuffle. Shuffle. Squeeze.

Shuffle. Squeeze. Squeeze. Shuffle.

His eyes are shut but his body is in motion. Constant motion. He cannot rest.  Does he know I am his mom and I will help take care of him? Isn’t that knowledge enough to quiet his soul and allow him to sleep?  I will do everything I can to make sure he has all that he needs. He can rest, assured he is not alone and he does not have to worry.  I roll over and whisper, “Be still, my son.”

In all honesty my eyes are shut too; my body is not moving but my mind is in constant motion. In the wake of my son’s movements I begin to calculate the day’s events and strategize the family schedule. Plotting and planning how to get everything done.  I cannot rest. Then, suddenly, in the quiet of the room I am reminded of the TRUTH.  Just like I will do for my son, God will make sure I have all that I need to get through the day. I can rest, assured that I am not alone and I do not have to worry. My Heavenly Father whispers to me, “Be still my daughter, and know that I am God.”

That knowledge is enough to quiet my soul. Today I will rest in God.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for Your gentle reminders that you care for each one of us. There is no need to fret or worry… You have everything under control. May we receive Your peace to help us get through each day… especially the busy ones! Amen.

Image source: https://www.etsy.com/listing/87743403/vinyl-wall-decalbe-still-and-know-that-i

Every Child Matters: A Story Worth reading

 It has been awhile since I have written in my blog. I apologize but today I had a story I thought was worth sharing. I work for a Christian non-profit organization that fights against world hunger called Feed My Starving Children (FMSC). You can come to any of 7 different permanent sites to help pack food specifically designed for starving bodies; the food is shipped to 70 counties around the world.

We also have MobilePack events; these are packing events hosted by churches, businesses or groups of people that want to help pack food at a location other than our permanent sites. This weekend I worked at a MobilePack event in Naperville; the goal was to pack one million meals in two days. Here is just one highlighted story...

Sitting at the labeling tables was a mom with two young children. The child on the inside of the table was a beautiful little blonde girl busy labeling bags on her own. The other child positioned at the end of table was a severely handicapped boy, probably around the age of 4 or 5. Due to the complexity of the wheelchair, it was clear this child had very little to no mobility of any of his limbs. At first glance this mom looked like every other labeler we had, just chatting with the person across the table from her as she worked. But then, something caught my eye.  I stopped and took notice: after she placed a label on each bag she lovingly reached over to her son’s clenched hand and gently placed it on top of the bag, then slid his hand from side to side to cover the label.  Lastly, she would add it to the “done” stack of bags and continue doing this again and again.

What I love so much about what we do at FMSC is that we are not just an organization about the bottom line, efficiency numbers or cost effectiveness. FMSC is first and foremost about the power of changing the life of ONE child at a time. Every child has a name. Every child has a story. Every child matters.

This mom could have potentially labeled twice as many bags had she not taken the time to allow her handicapped son to actively participate. One step further, she didn’t even have to bring him; she could have hired a babysitter and not had him there at all. But she did. The actions of this mom were a beautiful reflection of the same mission we have at FMSC. Her son has a name: Aaron*.  Her son has a story. It mattered that he was there because he had something to offer. This weekend, Aaron helped us reach our goal of packing one million meals!

I was honored to be a part of this event and inspired by incredible people like this mom doing incredible things for God with simple acts of love. Amen!  

(*Name changed for privacy purposes.)

Need Hope?

Hope. We all want it. We all use this word more than we realize. 

"Hope you have a great day."

"Hope you feel better soon." 

"Hope it works out for you."

But what is hope? The dictionary would state that it is "the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best". Does anyone else read this and feel like it falls flat? That's it? Maybe a little sprinkling of fairy dust and "something" just might happen? Don't you want more to rely on? Isn't the world in need of something bigger than a mere inkling or feeling? Can we rely or put our trust in to a best case scenario that may or may not actually happen? 

Naw. I am not inspired.

Hope is more than a simple sentiment. Hope is the certainty of something unimaginable, something we could not dream up on our own. Hope is the gift of nourishment and sustenance gently given in the exact portion needed to quench hunger. Hope is life giving water springing forth out of a ROCK satisfying an endless thirst. Hope is clearing barriers out of the way to create possibilities that are not humanly attainable. 

Hope is the power of God at work in our lives. It is more than a fleeting emotion but a promise by the creator of the universe. Hope is the Lord Jesus Christ. 

I hope you find Hope today. 

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him.” Romans 15:13

Image source: https://jewelcitychurch.org/2015/04/01/hope-floats/

Adoption: Will I choose love?

The brown eyes are larger than life. They have a depth beyond the boy’s  young age because of the poverty he endures, daily. He is hungry and forgotten by most of the world. There is a glimmer of optimism in his smile though. How could I not love him? I see that smile every day I walk in to work (Feed My Starving Children). I see the promise of hope. I know we are making a difference around the world.

But the kids that I see on the banner, magazines and pamphlets are easy to love. They do not sass me or question my authority. They do not complain when it’s bed time. They do not steal from me or lie. They are perfect and lovely, permanently adorned on the wall. However, it is the reality of an actual orphan brought in to our home (not a million miles away) that is not always fashionable and simple. Adoption is complicated.  Adoption is unpredictable. The daily life forces a test of all that I say I am. Will I sacrifice? Will I swallow my pride? Will I muster the grace? Will I choose love over everything else?

Love is effortless when it does not require much; however, the impact is shallow and short lived. Jesus set a better example. He humbled Himself, gave what no one else could give and did it without holding back.  The results are eternal. That divine love has changed me, changed who I strive to be. I am grateful. I am inspired. It is the only source of power that allows me to say, “Today, I will choose to love.”

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the unending love you extent to us. I want to learn to love like You love. Teach me and give me the strength to follow Your example. It is only by Your power that I can.  Amen.

Image source: http://fmscblog.com/from-the-field/pierre/

Forever Marked

I remember wanting to write it down. Reaching, digging through the desk, scraping around for a pencil. Not finding one, I reluctantly settled my hands upon a pen. I paused. With closer examination I frantically threw it back in the wasteland of writing utensils in the drawer. No, that just won’t do. I needed to write it down with permanent ink. I didn't want to forget; I wanted it forever marked somewhere to remind me of what I had seen, done, experienced. I didn't want to have this day go by and not remember.

Today is April 11th and they are seven years old now. There were three heartbeats, three precious children formed and brought to life. I was a surrogate and an eye witness to something indescribable. I no longer think I need a permanent marker. No one ever forgets a miracle!

Happy Birthday to the triplets!

My Prayer: Lord, today is an anniversary of just one of so many “impossible” things you have done. With every breathe I have been given I will praise You, Lord. My heart beats with continuous gratitude and awe! 

Image source taken from Google Images://loriromano.com/2012/01/07/excavation-2012-day-7-confessions-of-a-pen-whore/

One in a Million

I over heard two children talking:

Child 1: “Hey, look. The stars are out!”

Child 2: “Oh, yeah. I see that one.”

Child 1: certain he is the wiser of the two responds, “There are thousands of them, not just one.”

Child 2: pointing her finger to the sky with intention & determination, “I know. But I just see that ONE!”

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Do you ever feel like you are just one of the masses? Are you caught in the cattle herd of culture and expectations, being pushed along by the masses? Does it feel like you are just plugging away trying not to get trampled on?  There are 7 billion people on this planet; do you know what makes you any different than anyone else?

Fact: in the midst of the multitude of people in the world, God knows YOU by name. He doesn’t just stop with your name. He knows where you have been, what you have done and everything you have been through. He knows the things heavy on your heart. He knows your fears; He knows your dreams. He knows everything about you and cares specifically for YOU! You stand out as ONE in a million to God, every minute of every day.

Now... you just have to believe it!

Image source: Google Images; stars in the sky 1. http://buyastar.biz/buy-a-star-in-the-sky/ 2. http://stevenkelleymusic.bandcamp.com/track/star-in-the-night-sky

How To Get a Job Doing Something You Would Do for Free?

Here is how it happened for me:

The job search began.  I quit my very part time job to search for a more steady income to cover the cost of private high school tuition and increased cost of, well, everything for our growing children these days. We asked around. I scoured the internet.

We also recognized our limitations in the search; so we took on a prayer challenge (Draw the Circle: The 40 Day Prayer Challenge by MarkBatterson). The book suggested: be specific in our prayer requests and relentless in our pursuit of God as we awaited His answer.

Specific Prayer for a Specific Job

·         Monday through Friday, while my kids are at school.

·         Flexible hours because of family things that arise.

·         Global minded company or organization.

·         Somewhere I could feel like I was contributing to a greater cause (that I actually believed in).

·         Nothing I needed to bring home (because of the hectic family schedule once I get home)

Day 40 came and went. I did not have a job. God provided through an unexpected way for tuition. We waited. We trusted God to answer in His timing. We prayed for another 40 days.

I can’t tell you the exact prayer “day” we were on when the answer came. But it came. And oh how sweet the answer comes when it is so specific, so tailor fit just for you!

 It has been just a little over 2 months now in my new part time position at Feed My Starving Children (Aurora, IL). I am certain this position was designed exactly for me (at this stage in my life); it has exceeded every request I had prayed. Every day I walk in to the building there is a sense of home. Hour after hour I handle hand made market-ware from all over the world. I organize and pack up items that will spread the word of what we are doing: fighting against world hunger (and helping provide jobs for the artisans).  93 cents of every dollar donated goes to this cause. And we pray… on the job! We pray to start the day as a staff. We pray over the boxes being packed up on site by volunteers. We pray over every truck load being shipped out.

How did I end up in a job doing something I would do for free? God. God answered our specific prayers in a specific way.

What About You? He didn’t just answer my prayers. He can answer yours as well. What is on your mind? What specific request is gnawing at you because you can’t seem to “move” the situation? Pray. Not just wimpy, general prayers. Get specific! Say it out loud and wait for God to answer. The book we used was a helpful tool if you want to check it out. But it isn’t about the book. Just pray! God will answer. It may not look like what you thought but I know for certain…God will blow you away!!!

Prayer: Lord, thank you that you care about the specific details of our lives. Continue to push us to trust all of our needs in Your care and be willing to wait for what You have, not just what we can figure out on our own. Oh what a privilege it is to receive Your blessings! I am grateful. We praise You for all You have already done and all that You will do! Amen.

(All images from google images search: FMSC)

Adoption: They Didn't Get to Play

They didn’t get to play very much. Maybe they didn’t get to play at all.

When we first brought them home they could not speak a word of English but the language barrier was not the reason why they didn’t “play”.  For so long they were more concerned with scrounging for food and securing a place to sleep at night than they were about toys and games. Having clothing to wear was a higher priority than fun and silliness. They did not have shoes nor did they have a safe haven they could call home. This is part of their early childhood reality that brought them to the place of adoption.

It has been 4 years since they have been in our family. We try to go about life as any other family would: busy, chasing, schedules to keep. Despite how long we have been together, there are still surprising defining moments of overwhelming gratitude. Both of my adopted children struggle immensely at school with academics. My son comes home exhausted every day and as we pull out his homework he asks, “Can I just play?” Maybe he is attempting to avoid his work and is trying to get out of it. But perhaps he is trying to make up for the lost years, regaining the days he was not given the freedom to just be a child.  

He has learned to play. He watched other children and followed their lead. Now he laughs and giggles and loves the opportunity to build. He constructs and creates imaginary places, stories and adventures. He may not recognize it but he is given the pleasure of just being a kid. Although he still has to do his homework, I recognize the privilege as his mom of being able to tell him, “Ok. Now go and play!” 

Oh, what a gift it is. 

Photo: Courtesy of my son's imagination & a passion to wage wars with little green army men.

The Moment Every Mother Dreams About

Chopping tomatoes.

Slicing cucumbers.

Cutting up celery.

Peeling potatoes.

Whipping ingredients with the hand mixer.

In one accord with the radio they each sing along, “…He is Lord, Lord of all.”

The hour of time every mother dreams about. The pinnacle moment of my prayers and hopes for our family all answered in the clatter of the kitchen with my kids. All of the squabbling and teasing fades and the chorus of my children rings out love. They are working together, helping and serving one another; each one of them has something to contribute. They are unaware of the celebration spilling out joy as they pitch in. They are not at odds but working towards a common goal. Hard at work and singing praise songs about the Lord of all, the Lord of our family.

All 5 of my children helped me prepare the items we were in charge of bringing for the Thanksgiving celebration. I did not demand it, nor could I have created the beautiful aroma of our family today. It was a divine blessing in an unexpected hour. 

Today, my cup runneth over with thanksgiving and gratitude.

 My prayer for you: May your heart overflow with grace and appreciation as you see God display His handy work in your life as well. Countless blessings to you and your crew this Thanksgiving! Amen.  

Are Pastors More "Christian" than the Rest of Us?

Are people in the “ministry” more Christian than the rest of us? If we are honest, I bet most of us are on the same lines of thinking: pastors and missionaries are doing God’s work, the sacred work of God. The rest of us who work at regular old jobs, live regular old lives are a little lesser than “sacred”.

One of my favorite subjects to read and study about is “calling”. What are you passionate about and called to do? Then, how to do you get to the point of doing it? I have read numerous books. I have listened to countless sermons on the subject. I have prayed endless prayers and sat through various classes and seminars. I have had many, many discussions and encouraged others to pursue their divine purpose right along with me.

Today I heard a sermon entitled Whatever by Louie Giglio (Passion City Church) that added an incredibly insightful twist on the subject of passion and calling. In my various pursuits to discover a calling and to make an impact on the world, I have never heard it worded quite this way before:

“It is not what you do that determines whether your work is sacred or secular,

 it is why you do it (it is the motive).”

If “whatever” you are doing makes you come alive and your motive is to bring glory to God, than you are living your calling. It is the sacred work God has asked YOU to do! How simple. How invigorating. How easy a load to carry. What a divine difference we can make right where we are at… every single one of us!!

(Maybe you already knew this. But I needed to hear it; I thought it was worth sharing.)

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.  Colossians 3:17

What Comes to Mind?

Broken.

Beat down and shattered.

Snatched away and destroyed.

Cut off before completion.

Messed up.

What comes to mind? Something popped in to your memory when you read some of those phrases. You may be curious about the story of my glasses but that wasn't what really came to mind. Pause. What was it? It was near and dear to your heart. Something you had hoped for that didn’t happen. Something you had been dreaming up and have yet to see it come to fruition. Most assuredly there is pain. Disappointment. Unanswered questions. Unfairness.

This is not the end. This is not the final straw. It is not easy, nor is it quick. But there is a possibility of something different. Not by me. Not by you. But by the God and Creator of the universe. Nothing is impossible for Him. Nothing is out of His control.

Will you rest your “mess” in Him today? Trust Him for restoration. Trust Him for healing. Trust Him for hope. The bigger the mess, the more He can re-build. The deeper the pain, the further in to our hearts He can sooth. The tougher the situation, the more He can reveal His glory and power. God loves you and wants to care for you… every part of you!

(Image Source: courtesy of my dog, Cocoa Bean, chewing up my glasses! Oct. 2014)

Adding a Little to Make Big Difference

She had an easy bake oven. We were well on our way to becoming mature and responsible young women. Well, OK maybe not women but at least we could make cookies on our own: chocolate chip cookies. We mixed the butter and the brown & the white sugars together and then hit our first snag already. Vanilla. Pulling the brown bottle with a red label out of the cabinet we realized it was empty. What could we do?

“I don’t know what it does to the cookies but maybe we can substitute something else in its place.”

Rummaging through the cabinet we found another bottle that was the same size, color and shape as the vanilla. It had the same kind of label on it, same red lid and even said “extract” too. As a matter of fact, there was almost no difference between the two bottles except one word: lemon, not vanilla. How could it hurt? Clearly we needed to add something to finish making these cookies; this bottle was just the ticket.

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At that stage in life we did not know that adding just a few drops of the wrong thing could completely destroy any chance of goodness in the cookies; they were just about the most awful cookies I have ever had. But it is amazing how just a small dose of the right, or wrong, thing can change the outcome of any circumstance. For example, just a tiny trickle of complaining can implode the best of intentions. 

Luckily, the opposite is true as well; just a small amount of “God” in any situation can change lemons in to vanilla. All we have to do is invite Him; we can count on God to allow good to come out of anything, faithfully working for our best interest every time.

^“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Image Source: Google images http://www.thelittlekitchen.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/lemon-blueberry-mini-cheesecakes-the-little-kitchen-8394.jpg

Adoption: I Don't Remember the First Moment I loved Him

I don’t remember the first moment I loved him.

I do remember the first day we got him, in Ethiopia. He refused to sleep. Like babysitting a child we had met for the first time, we did not know what would work. Pulling out our bag of tricks we did all that we could think of to get him to sleep: snuggling, rocking him, letting him sleep next to his sister, ignoring his wandering and just leading him back to the bed. Nothing worked. Exhausted and hidden behind a language barrier, we finally called the adoption director.  She suggested a pack and play. An enclosed space. A cocoon of security and he finally fell asleep.

He did not always understand us.

He did not always want to listen.

He did not want to wear shoes or stay out of the busy street.

He loved running in parking lots and examining every car or truck.

He had a charming smile and a contagious giggle that mirrored the sweet joy in his heart.

For every adoption story, there is a moment we begin to truly love our child. For many, it is the first moment they meet. But not for all of us. I don’t remember the first moment I loved him. He had a bounding energy and a creative mind that far exceeded the capacity of his tiny little body. What were we to do with him? How would we ever find a “voice” in his life to coral his zest just enough to keep him safe but still let him be who he is?

More than four years later, I still find myself asking a few of these same questions. He never stops moving or jabbering or questioning. He is always curious. He does not always understand the risks and dangers. But he does know my voice. He has taken up a residence in my heart that was created only for him. I realize I don’t need to remember the first moment I loved him because when I look in to his eyes, I know I love him now. When I hold him in my arms, I know I have loved him for so long. He is my son and I know I will forever love him, more than my outward expressions can ever begin to describe.

(Totally awesome photo by my totally awesome cousin Bridget Clauson-Michau, http://bridgetsphoto.com/)

Do You Have It?

Do you have it? Have you found it? You know what I’m talking about. That thing. That thing that God put on your heart to do, to be that makes you come alive. It is there and has been for so long. Some of you already know what it is. Singing. Preaching. Dancing. Coaching. You have found it and can call it what it is. It is tangible. You have a label for it and can declare it to all the world.  

However, some of us are still looking for a word to call it. A classification in human and cultural terms that makes sense to people. Along with a definition, some of us are still scouting the world for a playing field where we can express it, put terms and rules to it and discover exactly what a “win” with it looks like. For those of you on the same exploration track as me, let me give you some good news. I saw the exact word in the dictionary the other day we need; I didn't know this word was even in there. I was so relieved to have found this. I was thrilled to know I am not alone. It is only a temporary tag but will hold us for as long as we need. Ready? Here's the word: whatchamacallit. It is no longer nameless. This label is good until further discoveries, studies and research proves otherwise.

Whatchamacallit is a term free for all who need it, for as long as you need it. 
So, keep dreaming. Keep searching.

There is joy in the journey.   

Truth About Adoption: They Do Not Choose This

He will appear in court and declare before a judge whether he wants to be adopted or not. A friend of mine is adopting a sibling set of 3 from Ethiopia (follow her amazing story here). The way it stands in Ethiopia now, all children age 13 or older must represent their own desire "to be" or "not to be" adopted. He is the oldest of the 3 children and because of his age, he must go to publicly represent himself and his wishes in a court of law.

Let me assure you no child wants to be adopted, not even to an American family with what would seem like unlimited resources at their disposal: clean water, food, (safe) shelter, education and medical care. It is never a child’s first “choice” to be abandoned at a young age and in a situation where no one cares for their basic needs. Every child longs to be kept safe and loved in the folds of their biological parents, no matter the nationality, creed or position. 

As an adopted parent of a child who, for countless days and years, reminded us over and over again, “I do not want to be here. I don’t want to be in your family.” I came to grips with the fact that this had nothing to do with me; although at first glance it appeared to be, those words were not actually meant to be a rejection of who we are as a family or what we have to offer. Those feelings were honest and cut to the core of who my daughter was and how she felt about her painful story. She did not choose to lose her father to malaria. She did not choose to have her mother leave her alone every day as she went off to work. She did not choose to have to scavenge for food, to sleep alone and to meet her own needs… at the tender young age of 5 (and for who knows how many years leading up to that). She did not choose the ultimate decision of being put up for adoption. She did not choose adoption… at first.

A little over a year ago my daughter had a dream with a “man” dressed in all white, who was bright and spoke very clearly to her. He breathed peace into the unsettling and unrelenting fight in her sole. He answered all of her questions and calmed the raging storm in her heart. He knew her. He knew everything about her. He gently told her He had placed her in this new family because He loved her.  Soon after, she came to us with tears streaming down her face saying, “I am sorry for not being nice. I want to be in your family now. I will try.”

And she has been true to her word. Oh how she is trying. It is not a perfect picture; some days are better than others. It is not always easy for us as her parents or even her 4 siblings to learn a new way to relate to her; she has dramatically changed. Now she wants to stay. Now she wants to be in this family! Trust is not easily or quickly built. But it IS being built, one new day at a time. Words cannot begin to express the gratitude we feel for the change of heart. It was a decision we could not choose for her. She has now chosen: adoption.

So, will the young boy go to court and say "yes" or "no" to adoption? I do not know. But I pray the Lord's grace and love seeps in to the broken fragments of the boy’s story bringing him to this place. I pray that God's healing power will allow an undeniable answer to spring forth: yes! 

Wake Up -- Monday Morning

I saw this sign in a store window in downtown Geneva. I took a picture of it to send to a blogger I follow who is always sending out pep talks about being “AWESOME” (John Acuff).  He is a fellow dreamer. Normally, I want to share in the ideas he talks about and get caught up in the thoughts to truly becoming awesome. But it’s Monday morning and I’m tired. I don’t want to get out of bed, nor do I want to accomplish anything big today. Rolling over and pulling the blankets up over my head sounds better.

But then I took a closer look at the photo. In the process of taking the photo, the store window allowed a reflection of me to become a part of the photo. Can you see it? (Top left hand side of the photo). It's subtle but do you notice the difference? It isn't just a sign for the guy who is a professional speaker/writer who get’s paid to cheer other people on. It’s a “sign” for me too. Today I have the choice to wipe away the crust from my eyes, kick the covers off and get the day started… not just for ordinary things but for something awesome.

Alright. Let’s go be awesome! Who’s with me?

Definition of a Dream

The definition caught me by surprise. Dreams: something you do at night while sleeping.

I stopped in my tracts and mentally ripped that page from my mind’s memory book. That definition missed the mark. Dreaming is done fully awake, with complete conscientiousness. It is dusting off the routine & the ordinary and allowing your heart to soar towards ideas and notions that are not humanly feasible. Making the time to dream allows God the opportunity to take our passions and our plans and transforms them in to His possibilities we could never accomplish on our own.  It’s standing at the edge of familiar & predictable and leaping off into unknown places you were designed to go to.  

Through hard work and a whole lot of prayers, dreams turn us inside out, becoming more of who we truly are than we could have ever expected. Muscles will tighten and exhaustion may creep in but a deep satisfaction will arise as we pursue God, the Giver and Creator of those dreams.

Don’t fall asleep my fellow dreamers… you don’t want to miss this!

(Photo: the rock was taken from a place I would like to work at someday. Dreaming & believing in prayer.)

Why Do Good People Suffer?

©      Less than 2 weeks ago a mom died of breast cancer. One of her four sons was in my 7^th grade daughter’s class. Her youngest twin sons had gone to preschool with my youngest son; she left a beautiful and lasting impression. Although I had lost touch with her since then, the resounding giggles from her identical twins continues to ring in my ears. Undoubtedly those sons are heavy with a sadness they have never known before.

©      A baby died on Sunday, the day before the due date. It was told that he may have Downs-syndrome and the parents could have ended this pregnancy very early on. They chose to celebrate and embrace this life.  For an unknown reason, it was snuffed out before they could even behold their son, present him a name and receive him in to this world. We are at a loss for words to console this co-worker of my husband.

©      Another mom died last night. She had been battling cancer for many years. Her sons remained by her side these last few days praying and calling out to God for a miracle. Although tired and warn out, she fought hard through the weekend but could not ward off pneumonia and her liver shutting down. She is at rest now. The football team will rally behind her sons and husband as they grieve this insurmountable loss but an emptiness remains.

Questions have been asked for centuries; they are not new to the human condition. The injustice of it all seems to beckon us to ask “Why?”.  Why must such precious life be taken away too early? Why must innocent and good people suffer endlessly only to lose their battle? Where is the justice in all of this pain, loss?

Those called followers of God are not exempt from the difficulties of life. We know clearly that hardships and death fall on all, the just and the unjust, equally. We are all subject to the consequences of living in a “fallen” world. With one bite the perfect Eden was closed off and the world as it was suppose to be changed. It would now relentlessly offer toil and burden; labor and hard work forever was the penalty of the original sin.

As Christians though, we know God is good. He is good when we have victories. He is good when we lose. He is not the originator of the pain and strife; the Devil gets credit for that. God is, however, the Originator of healing for our hearts, the great Comforter in the midst of sorrow. Although it would seem easy enough to blame God, it is He who sustains us when we are subject to life’s troubles. He offers a hope NOT to get us out of difficulties but to walk us through the difficulties.  He cares for us and never leaves us alone. It is the heart of a faithful and sovereign God who endlessly loves us in all circumstances of our lives.

Oh Lord, what a treasure You are to cling to when nothing else makes sense.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for not leaving us alone in this world. Thank you for loving us, especially when we are hurting and without answers. Thank you for sustaining us with Your peace when life throws such unexplainable hardships. We are so grateful for Your comfort when nothing else brings hope. Lord, we never want to know where we would be without YOU in our lives!

“My flesh and my heart may fail, 

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” 

Psalm 73:26 ESV

What Is Your "Real" Name?

What name do you call yourself? What label do you wear? How do you define who you are?

Unloved.

Ugly.

Not worth anyone’s time.

Fat.

Stupid.

Abandoned.

We all have our stories to tell and reasons why we have fallen prey to believing these lies told to us (sometimes all it took was to hear it once and we believed it). Let me assure you none of those names belong to you. They are not true.

You may be thinking, “Yeah. Easy for you to say… you don’t know me.”

I may not know you. I may not know the full story. I may not know all of the jaded details that have been building blocks in these names you have allowed yourself to wear. But God knows you. God knows every detail. God alone can change your name back to the one He recognizes you as:

Child of the King.

Worth pursuing.

        Worth dying for.

Accepted just the way you are.

Beautiful.

Beloved.      

   

Unconditionally loved.

So, who’s name will you wear?

“The Father has loved us so much! This shows how much he loved us: We are called children of God. And we really are his children.” 1John 3:1

Image source: Google Images: http://chinabeings.com/news/chinese-peoples-english-names-is-there-a-method-to-the-madness.html